I have been angry with myself for awhile as I cannot understand with all the blessings that come my way I am still filled with anxiety and fear. Every day coming to work is becoming a pain and uncertainties creeps my head to the extent that I can’t be productive anymore.
I am trying for the past 10 month to cope up with the new working situation I am in but the longer time I am in here, the more it becomes harder for me. I don’t care spending long hours of work and sleepless nights. What I care the most is about the quality of my work. I feel that I am not worthy of the position. I feel that I am not doing enough to perform my obligations. There are lots of things to be done and deadlines to be met. Unfortunately, I got lot of it I cannot finish on time.
Doubt on my capacity and leadership lingers in me most of the time. Unmet needs by buyers leave me disgusted over myself.The wost thing is that I am trying to inspire people around me to make them feel good about working and bring out the best of themselves while I am crashing and breaking inside. I feel so imbecile when there are times that I cannot fight for them and insist to other people that we are right.
Decision makings are harder to implement as I have stepped into a new arena which my knowledge is comparable to an infant. Coward as I call myself for the times that I tried to run away from the situation that I am in.
May God help me that I may not go insane if this paranoia won’t stop soon.
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