in the hour of confusion...

in every hour that i was allowed to breath and live, all i want is to please god. i am not perfect neither i am a saint. but my heart crave for eternal happiness that i know only god can give me. i know what i want and i know what i must do but there are times temptations are just too hard to resist. i had passed through dark times that only death is the best escape for me. but god never allowed me to do so. i want to live my life in god’s will and purpose. but confusion, fear, and pride clouds up my path to where i should be. there are times that when my heart is surrounded by so much happiness, i began to falter and even question my real purpose. so much happiness would even stir my heart and fool myself that i don’t need to sacrifice to know my purpose. i know in my heart and in my mind what is right and what is wrong but why i still entertain and play with temptation. why do i need to be sad and feel alone to realize once again what my heart and god asked me to do. it is not easy to give up on things who makes you happy and feel special. it takes a lot of courage and faith in the lord to live once life for others and for god.

i haven’t shed a tear for a while now. sad thoughts would leave me a bit worried but not depressed. i know only in god’s grace i can continue to live this way. right now i feel so ungrateful that i am not doing the best i can be for my purpose. lately, all i was thinking is my temporal happiness rather than my purpose. this is hard, its like shattering my heart to pieces. its like asking me to stop breathing. its like asking me to die. god, please i am asking for your unwavering grace, to make myself accept that i can only achieve eternal happiness through fulfillment of my real purpose.

is it too much to ask?

is it too much to ask?
can i borrow your time.
my mind dims completely
knowing your away from me.

is it too much to ask?
for someone to love me.
i am loosing hope
can’t you really love me.

is it too much to ask?
to take away the pain.
uncertainties of yesterday.
god please take it away.

is it too much to ask?
to be perfectly happy.
i love them so deeply.
don’t take them away from me.

is it too much to ask?
to be with them always.
i’m praying for their long lives.
that only you GOD can grace.

i’m so sorry if i ask to much.
cause only with you i can ask such.
in my world you make all possible.
you’re great power is undeniable.

Kathang Isip

parang hinahati sa gitna
pakiramdam ko ay parang tinataga.
isipin ko lang na hawak ka nya.
mas naisin ko pa na huwag na huminga.

ang weirdo naman kasi pelikula.
parang teleserye sa kapuso at kapamilya.
ang taong mahal mo, may mahal naman iba.
ngayon umiiyak, mamaya lang tatawa na.

bakit nga ba hindi naging 1:1 ang ratio
ang babae at lalaki dito sa mundo.
ayan tuloy may salawahan,
yon iba naman, mamamatay ng tigang.

wag masyado mag react sa huling kataga.
blog ko to kaya isusulat ko ang gusto ko.
natatawa ka man sa pinagsasabi dito.
gumawa ka na lang ng sarili mo.

note: pasensya na mainit ulo ko today...

Windang

Ang dikta ng puso, minsan di maintindihan.
Kung alin ang di pwede syang ipagpipilitan.
Si Juan ay may Juana na.
Pero bakit si Juanita aali aligid pa.

Puso minsan baliw kung ituring.
Pilit ka nitong lilinlangin.
Mga bagay na mahalaga sa buhay.
Nalilimutan pag pag-ibig ang kumaway.

Masahol pa sa batang iyakin.
Pag puso umiyak at hatiin.
Pag-ibig di tiyak kailan darating.
Hadlangan man pilit pa ring ibabaling.

Lungkot at pighati sa taong nilisan.
Ng tanging pagibig sa kanyang buhay.
Katinuan wari’y mahihiwalay.
Sa tuwing puso mo ay sasablay.

Subalit tunay pag-ibig ay matamis.
Ligayang dulot, hindi maililihim.
Ngiti sa labi ng taong umiibig.
Lungkot di maiisip ligaya nananaig.

Tanging dasal, tanging hiling.
Tunay na pag-ibig aking makapiling.
Sa Diyos ang aking tanging inuusal.
Biyayaan ako ng pinagpalang kasal.

My Brother is now a Father to be!!!

After almost ten years of honing under the Oblates of St. Joseph seminary, my dear brother Bro. Christian Vincent I. Saminal, OSJ will be ordained on February 02, 2009.

I'm so excited that after my boss allowed me to go home on February 01 and be back in the office on February 03, it gave me sleepless nights.

It will cost me my savings as I need to buy my own plane ticket but it doesn't matter now. My friend is right, if I need to spend my money to make myself and other people happy especially my loveones then don't hesitate to spend. Life is too short, make the most out of it.

Hollow

Mind traverses the space.
Tears flow in my face.
Stars make me yearn for you.
Moon makes me feel so blue.

I feel so alone and lonely.
Something is missing deep within me.
Don’t I deserve someone to love me?
Is it too much to ask to be loved so freely?

Shooting While in TukTuk

A Landmark in one of Phnom Penh's busiest intersection.

The Newly Renovated Stung Mean Chey Bridge. Finally, after months of waiting it's now open for traffic.

After the Stung Mean Chey Bridge it is impossible if you will not notice the Buddhist Cemetery on the side.


According to Wikipedia - A gendarmerie or gendarmery (pronounced /dʒɛnˈdɑrməriː/, or /ˌʒɑndɑrməˈriː/ after the French) is a military body charged with police duties among civilian populations. So I guess this place is a camp either for the military or the police.

The van just covered my subject in time when i pressed the shutter. Anyway, better luck next week and hope I will get better views. This is a church of Jesus of the Latter Day Saints community. They usually raise a Cambodian Flag but I can't see it today.

Full Moon on Saturday Night

This kind of scenery makes me yearn for a better camera. Fortunately,I got with me my ever dependable Sony Ericson W700i. It might not exactly captured what I had seen but at least it gave me a souvenir of the full moon on January 10,2009 around 7 o'clock in the evening in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Purple or Blue Tulips

If a Man can give me this, I think I would love to marry him...

Ang Gulo ng Mundo

bakit ba ang gulo gulo ng mga tao?
di lang magkaintindihan
mamamaya lang ayan na ang patayan.
bakit di na lang i-respeto gusto ng ibang tao?

sabihin na natin na pag prisipyo pinaguusapan
dapat lang naman na ipaglaban.
pero hanggan saan? kahit buhay sa buhay ang labanan,
dapat bang tuloy tuloy pa rin ipaglaban?

panahon pa ni hesukristo mga tao laging nagtatalo.
hindi naman pwedeng pang habang panahon
kay adan at eba isisisi ang puno’t dulo ng gulo.
kailan ba matututo? kailan ba bubukas ang isip at puso.

Morning Lifestyle

tamad na tamad.
likod lapat na lapat.
madilim kasi kanina.
ayaw ko pa tumawa.

pabalikwas na bumangon.
lalamunan parang tuyong dahon.
diresto sa lababo.
inom, mumog, buga.

bawat umaga.
parang sirang plaka.
iisa ang tugtog.
tyaga tyaga ka muna.

toasted bread sa almusal.
palaman margarine na mura.
sabay budbod ng asukal.
isang tasang kapeng panulak.

ligong parang aso.
tig sasampung minuto.
mabuti na lang may shower.
malas lang laging tapat sa change power.

masaya kung masaya.
isipin lang na magsusuweldo na.
sana lang wag nilang isipin.
na buhay ko ay parang reyna.

Amidst

Amidst turmoil and chaos,
We must live and go on.

Amidst betrayal and traitors,
Must always be willing to carry on.

Amidst uncertainty in every situation.
On steadfast love we can hold on.

Amidst our fear to fall,
Be brave to stand proud and tall.

Amidst tears cause by despair,
Laugh out loud, rejoice and cheer.

Amidst everything, amidst anything.

Never Be Left Behind on 2009

Whew! It’s year 2009 already. That means come my birthday on October 11 I will 30 yrs. old. I am not sure what should I title my today’s entry. But as I psyche myself that this year I will be more persistent in whatever endeavor I am into then I suppose my title will fit anyway. I admire those people who are persistent but still radiates with grace. For this year, all I want is growth in me as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, an employee, a co-worker, and most of all my growth as a follower of Christ.