The Day Before Christmas

10 Words Easier Said Than Done

Forgive.

Forget.

Love.

Respect.

Honor.

Faith.

Prudence.

Trust.

Loyalty.

Gratitude.

Words that can only be done with an open heart and an open mind.

Happy Birthday Ryan

I love you my brother dear.

Killing A Day

It was holiday yesterday in celebration of Internation Human Rights Day. I heard that the Cambodian Government requires all companies to pay 300% overtime pay to their employees on this kind of holiday. It order to lessen the labor cost, the management decided to have overtime on Sunday which will cost them only 200%. So I was able to freely left the office at exactly 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I went to Canadia as I want to call my family back home. Here in Canadia you can find internet phones which cost only Riel 200 per minute or USD0.05/min call to Philippines. Unfortunately I was not able to talk to my father but at least I was able to greet my brother who will be celebrating his birthday on the 12th. I was also able to talk to my mother. I tried to call my friend but I guess she already left her office.

After the phone calls, I dropped by in the apartment of on of my colleague and her husband. With two more Filipinos, after dinner we had some beer. I finished off 3 cans of Asahi beer. I feel a little bit dizzy but still able to go home safely. Thank God. Sometimes, you just want to experience new atmosphere and enjoy other peoples company.

Acceptance

There are times that if you will analyze life, either it will give you a good laugh or a further confusion. Being an adult and passing thru different phases of life, it is such a fulfillment to realize that I had passed thru different hardships and chaos in life. I admit that ending this life is an option in order to be freed from the trials I am going thru.

I thank my parents for letting me know that GOD is the only one who has the right to give and take away our lives. I thank my brothers and friends for being there to keep me smiling and my reason to be happy. Though I cannot divulge to them my greatest fear and greatest apprehensions they were there patiently waiting for me to change. I feel sorry that my family received my unending rants, complains and uncanny attitude while I was trying to recuperate from the pain I was going thru. It was so unfair to them that I was trying to evolve on my own and trying to fix things by myself and not wanting them to enter my inner core. I had a very hard time to accept what I had gone thru. I blame GOD so many times. But the more I was trying to question GOD the more I cannot run away from him. With my deepest emotions into him I can only share as I was so afraid of accept reality.

Past is past. It still pains though to accept that is had happened. Maybe in God’s time I can forgive and forget. Right now, I am facing acceptance. I cannot change anymore what had happened. I cannot continue to regret and blame life. I will stand for what is in store for me today. I will be who I am. If GOD, took care of me and proved that I deserve to live, then no man can take away that from me. I will prove my worth on earth.

I Miss My Brothers

I don't know why but suddenly something creeps in me that makes me miss my brothers terribly. Most of my life I was with my brothers. Being the oldest among my siblings it was fun to see my brothers grew up. Remembering them as babies and now an adults gave me a fulfillment. Maybe because we grew up in a very close family adds to my fascination. I know that in every phase of our lives each and everyone of the family was part of it.

How can I forget those same colored polo, socks, shoes my mother would bought for them on special occassions. I am so proud of them seeing them in basketball uniform every summer. Made me even a prouder sister every Sunday seeing them as altar knights. Both of them were Boy Scouts and even got the Boy Scout of the Year award when they graduated from high school.

During our JS prom, my brother Jojie was not embarrassed to dance with me during the ball. I am not the prettiest and most probably the biggest girl in the dance floor but still my brother asked me for a dance. I was a proud sister everytime our school will send him to another town as a Boy Scout representative. It was an achievement also when our town sponsored their trip to Zamboanga for a Boy Scout event. Amongst the three of us, he was the first one to ride the airplane...hahaha...When he decided to enter the seminary after highschool it was painful to me as I know I won't be seeing him as much as I want to. But I was so proud of him to realize that at his young age he decided that he answered God's calling.

My youngest brother Ryan had his own achievements. After graduating from Technological University of the Philippines, we were so amazed that companies were the one offering him jobs. Just after his graduation, letters from various companies arrived our home and ask him for interviews. It was so amazing as I experienced hardships in applying for a job. At a very young age, his company sent him to Japan to further hone his technical skills and broaden his knowledge. When he went to Japan, it was the first time to be away from him that long. Hearing his voice over the phone made me missed him so much. I remember during his college days, he was so sick that we need to send him to the hospital as we was so weak already. I was so scared as I thought we would loose him. Thank God that he didn't take him away yet.

I miss my brothers, but as we are becoming adults and fulfilling our own missions I have accepted the fact that we will definitely be away from each others. I love them both so dearly that it hurts me so much if we had even little arguments. If we have time to be together, we tried to go somewhere to bond and catch up with each others life. Maybe over coffee, drinks or a videoke session. We won't get tired talking about our dreams and plans for our family.

I love my brothers and they are one of my inspiration to work harder and to live life with happiness. I will continue to pray for your happiness and success. I love you both so much and I thank God for letting me have you as my brothers.

You

sun up, sun down
you i always see...

you don't know
how it pains me
whenever you dont
talk to me...

you give me strength
to continue
believe in my dreams
that i hold unto...

be still...
please be still...
im afraid to loose you...